My first thought when I first laid my eyes on her was, "So, YOU're the lil' bundle that introduced me to that horrible heartburn!" :) Then they placed the weighty little bundle into my arms and...it was like a wave of fear smashed me in the face. If I were an animal, I'd have bared my teeth and chased away EVERYONE...because everyone was out to hurt her. (wierd, huh?) The only explanation for this feeling is that I can't handle even the NEWS...it effects me so wildly. I was so afraid that she was going to get hurt by someone, and I was totally UP to being her protector! (Please tell me there's someone out there in cyber land who's felt the same way?)
SHE's the one who introduced me to that feeling, and it was that first OVERWHELMING that shook me to the very core. I feel the same toward all my children (you mothers know exactly what I'm talking about, eh?) , but it HIT me so, so hard with Kelsi. It's the first time there was someone more important that ME. The feeling was no longer new or overwhelming with the others.
Here recently, she was "attacked" by one of the ladies who is a "client" where she works. (mentally handicapped) I got soooo angry when I heard it. I felt like jumping into the van, and turning again into my "old self". That's when the thought struck me (yet again), that she is no longer under my protection (she NEVER was...after all, what can **I** do to protect her?). She has a Father in heaven who is stronger than I am and who loves her more that I do! :)
And now, I look at her...my "lil' girl"...and I marvel at the mighty work of my Lord Jesus Christ! I stand in awe that this young woman who was raised by such a terribly FLAWED momma (And of course, a wonderful, yet flawed poppa) as I, could turn out to be a lover of my Jesus....who has a desire to serve Him. Oh, how I praise His name!
And it is into the loving care of her heavenly Father and mine, that I gladly release my "hold" on her. She is His, and I find such great comfort in this. She gave us her heart long ago, and we have gladly surrendered her heart to Him, and rejoice in the knowledge that of all the places it could have gone, her heart is where it belongs.
God has beautiful plans that include my beautiful daughter. In this, I also rejoice. I have such hopes for her. But I must always remember that this isn't what matters. What matters is God's will and what He wants for her...and it may not be what I want, ya know?
And so again, as so many times before, Kelsi-boo, I dedicate you to the love and care of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I love you more than you'll ever know...
P.S. Daddy would have a word or twenty to add...because you're HIS until Mr. Right comes and sweeps you away.